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We have got to be out of our bloody minds. What kind of lunatic spends time, money, effort, money, blood sweat and tears and money playing make believe? At least if we were eight, this affliction of ours would be seen as at least partially understandable and therefore to a degree, socially acceptable. But we're not eight. We're forty eight, or seventy eight. Somewhere in between. And of course, the older we are, the more time, money, effort, money, blood sweat and tears and money we have to invest in our closet hobby.
Closet, you ask? C'mon. Outside of our usual online haunts, how often have you even heard of someone with a hobby like ours? Ever met one? Oh boy, is that ever a "word dance"! Imagine a social gathering, and while making small talk with a slightly inebriated but not offensive stranger, you get the inkling that perhaps this guy is into flight simming. Now, you can approach this from a number of different directions, but of them all, the least likely to be employed would be something like "Are you into flight simming? Me too!" You may as well grab the mike from the deejay and announce to the gathering "I have the social skills of a very dim hamster, and am therefore forced to limit my free time to activities accessible only through my personal computer. Who wants to be friends?" (At which point several hands belonging to eight year olds may, or may not, raise.) You get the picture.
You see, being a flight simmer is not something that has what I imagine is a high degree of social acceptability. If one should have a hobby of, say, firefighting, or maybe kick boxing, that is something to talk about. Announce at a party that you gain particular pleasure by accurately firing your Walther PPK (yes, just like James Bond) and getting a grouping within the diameter of a Dixie cup at 25 yards, you may actually hear an occasional "Oooh". But how'd you like to be the guy to whom our ersatz James Bond hands that microphone, and then announce "I like to pretend to be a pilot on my computer..." You'll hear an "Oooh", all right. Right before you hear "What a loser."
Flight simming is not sexy. I feel fairly confident that James Bond was not a simmer. Alexander the Great would never have been called Alexander the Flight Simmer. Somehow, it just doesn't have the same pizzazz. Genghis SimPilot. Doesn't really strike fear into the hearts of the enemy. Adolph DigiPilot? Seig Heil and lean the mixture... You get the idea.
So, are we losers? In some circles, undoubtedly. Mostly, we're grown men. Some ladies and the odd smattering of young men and pimply teens, but mostly middle to late aged guys. And as such, well, we should be doing something, um, productive. Something positive. Teaching the less fortunate to read, perhaps. Or finding ways to encourage tap water to burn. You know, humanity type things that may have global implications to enhance the lives of one and all, from the Amazonian goat herder to the zebra farmers in Zanzabar. But instead, we sit on our expanding derrieres saying things like "flaps five" and "gear up". How many lives will we enhance by knowing that we starve the packs of air when we disable the APU bleed?
On the other hand, there are things we are not doing. For instance, we're not taking advantage of little old ladies (except for you three guys in the back... shame on you) and trying to separate them from their cash. We're not annoying our neighbors with our desire to shoot skeet at sunrise, either. And all kinds of other crap that generally annoy the populous or gets one incarcerated. So, all is not bleak by any means.
Still, let's face it, fellas. We sit in front of our monitor(s) and, after having spent a godawful amount of money to enhance our lunacy, imagine we are captains of our fate, and perhaps of hundreds more sitting behind us, as we captain around about the sky. We spend hours playing make-believe.
But -
Just for giggles, have a look at the Pilot Shop at FlightSim.Com. Now, just browse a bit, and take note of the number of developers who are hawking their wares. All over the world, we see a ton of companies devoted to (cue music) flight simulation! And, not just software. Hardware companies are showing up with regularity! I mean, these companies cater to the truly afflicted, and offer bits and pieces of various cockpits that you would swear came right off some flight deck. Makes you feel sorry for the poor flight crew who one would hope notice their MCP panel is missing before they reach V1.
And not just the US or UK. Oh no, we're talking companies world wide! There are those who find pleasure in filling their passports with stamps from all the countries they have visited. Me, I've got my collection of simware receipts from all over the world! And so, really, if you think about it, we are positive contributors to the global economy.
I don't know about you, but I've just started to get into some serious FS hardware. I'm currently sporting the GoFlight MCP Pro and GF-46/RP-48 combo along with the Saitek panel with the landing gear and start thingy and all the neat toggle switches. Not only is all this stuff a blast to fly with, but I feel terribly self righteous for having contributed in such a friggin' large fashion to the economy. I figure it won't be too much longer until The Boss will speak to me again...
So, while flight simming may not be sexy, it does have its positive sides that must not be ignored. It certainly keeps us from underfoot. It keeps the grandkids occupied for a time as we explain the concepts of flight and various geography (although I find it a real bummer when I bore them to tears. They just don't seem to grasp the significance, the gravity of the situation when I'm on final with a full cabin. Mind boggling) and it surely assists in the grand scheme of economic things.
So, we're not sexy. But we're damn cute! Just watch our eyes light up when we actually find another flight simmer with whom to converse! There is nothing finer, whilst standing on the food stamps line, finding a fellow simmer that has a bunch of boffo-cool software and hardware, just like you, as you walk together towards the poor house!
Three Green!
Chip Barber
rfbarber2@verizon.net
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